Okay, I've been putting this off because I honestly just didn't know what to say about Cory's passing on Saturday. I mean, those of you that follow me on twitter are probably like, "Didn't know what to say?! You've tweeted about nothing else for three days." Valid point. But I didn't know what to say. And to be honest, I'm not positive I do yet. But I'm going to try.
Those that know me know of my absolute love and adoration for Cory. He FELT like a friend and I honestly don't know that I could miss him anymore than I already do if he'd been someone I actually knew. So when I woke up Sunday morning to multiple texts from friends, asking if I was okay and if I'd heard the news, I was devastated. I'm pretty sure the whole world was devastated. And now, three days later, there still seems to be no understanding of how something like this happens. How someone as beautiful and goofy and kind and talented as Cory is just...gone. I can't wrap my head around it. I've cried - a lot. And I've prayed a lot. And I've asked myself and others and God 'why' a lot. And no one really has the answer because there isn't one. But in talking to friends, this is what I've come up with.
I hate, hate, hate that he is gone. And I hate how he was taken. But maybe God knew the struggle was just too much for him to fight anymore. That it was time for him to leave his burdens and struggles at the summit and be fully revived and made perfect and whole in the spirit. I'm not going to lie or sugarcoat it - it sucks for us - it's unfathomably sad for his friends, his family, for Lea - his best friend and love. It's nothing short of a tragedy and it's not something people are going to just get over. We're always going to miss him. But grief is a selfish emotion - that we're 100% entitled to feeling. But Cory is healthy and happy and at peace. It's hard for us here, those that loved him that are left behind to find that all-encompassing peace in this life, especially at this time when it's so hard to understand. But we're not meant to understand it. We're only meant to love and remember and honor him until we meet again.
I've seen what a hold addiction can have on people. I've seen it take the lives of family members. But the thing about Cory is, he didn't hide behind it. He didn't use it as a crutch or an excuse. He was open and honest about his struggle - he wanted to beat it. He was not content to just let it consume him. He struggled, and, if I had to assume, he lost to it, but he fought to beat it until he just couldn't fight anymore. And for all of his struggles and tribulations and maybe even short comings, I respect the hell out of him for his endless fight and strength and courage.
I miss him so much it hurts and I still don't understand how we'll never hear him sing again, see him smile. But I take comfort in knowing that he doesn't have to fight anymore. He's not struggling.
Anyways. I just needed to share with those of you that might be reading this that in spite of all of the pain and tragedy and devastation, there's a silver lining. It's small to us, and it sucks, but it's what we have. And we've got to go on living life fully for him and because of him. He fought and so should we.
My prayers and condolences and best thoughts go out to Cory's loved ones. His friends, family and parents. And sweet Lea. I pray they find some peace and healing.
You'll be missed forever, sweet Cory. You're always in our hearts and your star shines brighter now than ever before. #CAMM
xoxo
Kristen
