It's been a little over a month since Cory passed, and almost a month exactly since I revisted this blog to try to get some words out and make sense of all of it. It hasn't been easy. It amazes me that we can miss someone so much that we didn't know personally. But we did. We knew Cory. And for a while I felt selfish and silly saying that. Claiming my sadness and grief as real felt like it was undermining the unfathomable pain his family, friends and his love must be feeling.
But then Lea gave her speech at the Teen Choice Awards on Sunday.
And she got it. This woman who knew Cory better than anyone in the world; who held his hand and shared his inside jokes and knew his struggles - she understood that we're all grieving. She saw the light and love that Cory shared with all of us, the way that he reached out and became apart of all of us; barging clumsily into our hearts with his handsome smile, talented voice and incredible, silly personality. And I stopped feeling guilty and started feeling grateful. Grateful that she has the strength and grace and heart to share his loss with us, grateful that we were lucky enough to know him, even if it wasn't nearly long enough.
It might be a terrible thing to say, but I don't think Cory was ours to hold on to for long. He was meant to be so much more than his earthly being could contain. I have to believe that the Lord knew Cory was done suffering and fighting himself and that he was meant to be a star in every true sense of the word. I still hate that he's gone. I hate it. It puts a knot in my stomach I miss him so much sometimes. But, as Finn Hudson once said, 'The show's gotta go all over the place'. I firmly believe he's still with us. For many of us, he exists in the stars. In his songs. In the tiny, every day things that remind us of him. We get to keep him in our hearts forever and always remember him beautiful and healthy and happy.
I wanted to end this by saying that days later, I am still amazed and in awe of Lea's strength and grace. She is the epitome of class and elegance. And she's absolutely right. With all our love - for Cory, for her, for each other - we're going to get through this.
